It’s Christmas time! Unfortunately. Or not actually Christmas time. More like the time when people who have some misguided grudge against their own gardens start hanging up horrid X-mas decor and filling supermarkets in a state of panic. Not actually panicked by impending Christmas, but rather the panic of impending Christmas. It’s amazing, like some new sort of state of meta-panic; everyone’s anxiety and built-up tension condensing in their gardens and shopping trolleys, in form of tasteless, cheap tat.
So, it’s a good time to stay home and collapse on the couch, sign in to netflix and fuck the world. So after this weird, off-topic intro…it’s time for
Favorite Worst Scenes in Movies
Youtube is an endless source of amusement here, with endless lists of the same bad scenes, but here’s just my favorites:
1. The infamous looped death-scream in Karate Girl. Apparently there are two different versions of this scene, but this one is supposed to be fake. Regardless, it’s still hilarious.
2. The Death of the Cock. One day just started watching a random movie with friends, probably drunk, and nobody was ready for this scene, and it absolutely blew everyone away. Rottweiler.
3. I did not hit her. I did noooot. Tommy Wiseau’s undying performance. I am eternally thankful for the Nostalgia Critic for making the review on this movie. The Room.
4. Shark Attack 3: Megalodon swallows an entire life-raft, man jumping off the yacht and a jet ski. Absolutely terrible movie, but one of the most entertaining I’ve ever seen.
5. I can’t believe I ever rented this piece of shit…House of the Dead. By this scene I was ready to fall asleep after a whole film of clunky scripting, lame gore, couple cheesy nude-scenes, shitty action…but this scene, somehow, coming the fuck out of nowhere, topped the whole movie off like a cherry on top of the cake and actually redeemed the movie enough to make me glad to have watched the whole terrible thing.
6. Sesame cake scene in Congo. I got interested enough to read Michael Crichton’s original novel, and was surprised by how good it was. It looks like all the shittiest scenes in Congo never appeared in the novel. This particular one…amazing. I added this whole scene, because it’s so amazing how no part of it works. It’s a bit long, but I think it’s wort seeing all the way through, in how schizophrenic, clunky, incoherent and ultimately pointless to the entire story. And Tim Curry’s East European accent. Jesus.
7. Mortal Combat 2. The whole thing’s crap, but this particular two lines of dialogue is unbelievable.
8. Another one from the Room. It seems a bit like cheating, but both of these are so brilliant it would be a real crime leaving them out. You would think it shouldn’t be difficult to script a scene of a dude walking into a shop, buying flowers and walking away, but noooo, Tommy Wiseau is not so easily fooled by conventional human interaction.
9. The Langoliers and Mr. Toomey scaring the little girl. Thank you for this. Truly.
10. I cannot believe this man has an Oscar. I don’t mean to say anything bad about him, I love every one of his performances, but is there anyone else like him out there? Someone who’s acting is almost without exception either incredibly over the top, or so non-existent he simply says his lines in the same monotonous voice with an unchanging poker-face, and walks away. I cannot think anyone quite like Nick Cage, and all his movies, either comedies or dead serious, are incredibly funny. Here it is, The Wickerman.
Bonus: Nick Cage goes to the chemist.
I’m sure there’s some missing that you’d like to see, like Batman and Robin or Troll 2 and “They’re eating him…”, so if you have any absolute favorites from some movie I’ve ever seen, or feel something elemental is missing, please post it in the comments with with the video URL. So have an awesome time, watch some crazy shit and vandalize your neighbour’s tasteless Christmas lights and inflatable Santa. Or give him a blow-up doll to keep him company, or something.