Maniac (1934)

maniac 1934This movie is fucking horrible! I’ve never, ever during the hundreds of shitty horror films I have seen, watched something as rambling, disjointed, inconclusive, fucked up, batshit crazy load of made up crap, and that includes the work of Ed Wood, Tommy Wiseau and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the weakest known substance to modern science. And all the combined element of WTF from the entire last season of Lost.

Now, IMDb forums in all their wisdom claim, that this movie is not so much scripted, as made up as they went along, while they were filming this piece of avant garde mindfuck. I have no idea if this is true, nor do I think it’s even relevant on any level, but I certainly am ready to believe it. It sounds like the only possible explanation for anything this bloody uniquely shite. I am more ready to believe that than believe that a living, organic primate sat down and wrote any individual part of it. This script is like something that’s generated by a computer, possibly a mac…running Windows Vista. As programmed by a paranoid schizophrenic. With the code translated by Bing. After someone poured bramble jam in all the ports. The estimated budget for this film? About 5,000 dollars.

Maniac (1934)

I can only begin to try to summarize the plot, and it really can’t do proper justice to this piece of brilliance. A mad doctor who treats mental patients has found a way to resurrect dead bodies (btw the audience knows he’s mad because…well, just fucking look at him), and to test this out he gives his assistant a gun asks him to shoot himself. So, like any reasonably minded asshole, he shoots the doctor instead. The assistant, who conveniently happens to be an actor and a master of make-up and disguises, buries him into a wall and begins to impersonate him to cover up his death.

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Soon, experiments continue and a woman discovers the crime when she witnesses the worst zombie-transformation ever performed by a sapient creature, and what does she do, I ask. Ale

rt the authorities? Scream? Hell no, she blackmails them to turn her husband into a zombie, without batting an eyelid, without slightest hint of giving a fuck. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why. That’s all the explanation I could extract from this piece of shit. Shenanigans follow, including a very weird scene where the zombie husband grabs a young woman, strips her topless, and wanders off with her slumped over his shoulder. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why. Anyway, the weird neighbour, who for whatever fucking reasons breeds cats, and has a cat called Satan, finally notices that there’s awful acting happening next door and calls the police, who then find the body of the doctor.

This is a horrible, bad, shitty, god-awful movie, and you should absolutely watch it. It is more entertaining than giving Mel Gibson a bottle of vodka, a camcorder and ask what he thinks about third generation feminism. It is an absolute gem of rambling, incoherent WTF and poorly realized exploitation smut, in a word, epic.

Anyway, you can see it on YouTube anytime, it’s not that long. Here you go:

Here’s an idea for a shitty remake of this movie, that makes marginally more sense: a mad scientist is conducting unethical stem-cell research and tries to grow organs in glass jars, by placing stem-cells next to tissue samples stolen from a hospital. He gets the cells by going out hunting pregnant women at night, like a 21st century Jack the Ripper. Then it all gets fucked, when his hunchbacked assistant accidentally gets a cancer biopsy instead of healthy tissue, and when the stem-cells are left overnight, the cells grow into a cancer-monster that breaks loose and starts hunt people. And it’s evil. Get it? Because the cancer biopsy was malignant.

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