The Awakening (2011)

A shit movie for twats. Though being quite well cast with very decent British actors, this long paranormal horror movie is stuffed to its maximum endothermic capacity with dull mediocracy, from characterization, to writing, to pacing and most of all cliche  unimaginative, and completely predictable plot from the word fuck.the-awakening-2011-movie-poster

And if you do watch this film, put on your disappointment hats, get out your ticket to ride the disappointment train to get off at Disappointment station, because the shock twist is going to be really shit. In fact, it’s fucking horrendous. On par with “it was the butler”. If the butler spent the entire movie getting a suspicious amount of screen time and acting fucking creepy.

Not to say that means anything here, because it’s the primary preoccupation for all the fucking characters, all of whom are kitted out with exactly one chip on the shoulder, which are going to have to do a lot of work here, because there is absolutely nothing else driving the story forward, besides making everyone act like Dylan the Dysfunctional Character Automaton.

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In fact, one other big additional problem is the complete lack of horror. I don’t know which bit was supposed to be the scary one, because I sure as piddle missed it. It certainly wasn’t the bloody ghost with the lame blurry Photoshop effects, or the doll house that keeps turning up with big orchestral epileptic fits. Perhaps the scary bits were left out in the editing process, to make more room for people to look gloomy. Or for more shots of the big Victorian manor. Which, to be fair, gives the best performance in the film. The Victorian, foreboding setting does most of the work in creating atmosphere, unfortunately, and all the creepiest elements in the film consist of just showing Victorian life, pretty much as how it was: bleak, oppressive and saturated in shades of grey. Just like the British system of education. Snap.

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In fact, for a better Victorian supernatural horror film, see Daniel Radcliffe’s Harry Potter and the Woman in Black.

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